Dances With Butterflies
Do you know how hard it is to ask the universe for something and then to let it happen without trying to help or hinder it?
Yes, I said hinder it.
Heaven only knows that on some level even those who are perfectly clear about asking the universe for what they want; who have mastered the art of creative visualization and who are able to picture clearly and accurately the life that they want find themselves (even if it is on a subconscious level) scared out of their wits and inadvertently (or even intentionally) trying to undo what they have done by sending that energy out into the universe.
Why? Because they are deathly afraid of getting what they want. At some deep down level they know that in order for them to get what they have asked for (however necessary it is and regardless of whether or not the time is right) is going to entail change on a very profound and fundamental level. It is going to shatter their world (a la Humpty Dumpty) and that no matter how many horsemen they assign to the job, things are going to be a bit scrambled for a while.
This is where I am right now. And I have to admit that I am in danger of getting in my own way.
A while ago I asked the universe to make a change in my life. The details don’t matter, not really. What matters is that I thought long and hard about what it was that I wanted. I sketched everything out in writing after I had meditated on the issue. I then used the tools for visualizing the final result and sent the energy out into the universe. Almost immediately I started seeing results and the first thought out of my head wasn’t “wow, how amazing” or “isn’t synchronicity incredible?” But rather “Oh my God, what have I done!” This was followed immediately by a wave of worry and concern and “what if’s” that threatened to overwhelm me and succeeded in giving me more than a few sleepless nights.
It was as if suddenly I had been seized with a sudden need to undo what I had done; to scream at the universe to ignore my request, but not because it isn’t time, and not because it isn’t needed, but because in my heart of hearts I understand that things will never be the same again.
In addition I have found myself having to sit on my hands in order not to sabotage the universe at work as it brings me exactly the changes I asked for. On more than one occasion I have found myself confronted with a situation that was/is the result of the changes being brought about by the universe (at my request). Usually these present themselves as conflicts and uncomfortable situations as the people involved in the shift adapt to the changes. Thanks to conditioning and upbringing, my first instinct is to smooth the situation over; to do something to make everyone feel better; to make everyone comfortable. But that’s just it you see. Change is anything but comfortable.
Like anyone else I had gotten used to things being the way they were; too comfortable. My soul had moved on but my body had gotten stuck in its routine, hence the request for change.
You always know when your spirit has moved on (or is trying to move on). When you focus on your problem or your issue there is no joy. It feels as if you are wearing a suit of clothes that are too tight. They itch. You want more than anything to shuck everything off and go running naked through the rain in order to catch up with your soul which is out dancing with the butterflies.
And so it is that every time I feel the urge to make things better; to make them easier for everyone involved I have to forcibly remind myself that I asked for this. It’s time. I need to get out of my own way and let the Universe do its work. The butterflies are waiting.